FAMILY PHOTOGRAPHY: FAMILIES FACING LOSS

Something I have been asked to do from time to time is to take photos of families who are facing loss through the death of one member. This is not something that every family will choose to do, but for some it is vitally important.

I am very much aware of the value of this kind of photo. My own family has gone through a period of loss over the last three or four years. The photos that we have of those who have left us are infinitely precious, and the moments where we consciously took “final photos” were very weighty. Most of our losses were “expected”, with some very harsh exceptions, and so we had some time to prepare.

In this blog I want to look at some of our own experience with this kind of family photography in my own close circle, and then at a very recent shoot I did for a local, Bromley, family.

The last big family gathering we had with my mother – just two grandchildren and one spouse missing

From 2021 to 2024 my extended family, including step-relatives, has lost 8 members. In the majority of these bereavements, cancer was involved. My wife and I have both lost a sister and I have lost both my parents. In all those specific cases cancer has been the cause, and we have learned to loathe that word at a new level.

But one thing that cancer has given us is some knowledge – time to talk, time to prepare, and time to take, very consciously, some final photographs. Not all family members have been photographed during this period, but the photos we do have are very important to us.

A month and a bit before my dad’s death, I spent the afternoon with him and mum and my son Tom. This photo is the last of a sequence which began when Tom was a baby and Dad’s dad was still alive. 

The same afternoon, and the last portrait I ever took of my parents.

We Six
Just a week or two later and Dad was already much weaker. My sister Liz was seriously ill, and my brother, Pete, was also unwell. We knew this would be the last time he saw dad. Someone who had helped Pete come over took this, using my Lumix.

Barely two months later, with dad already buried, we gathered for my niece’s wedding. My sister, Liz, was exceedingly unwell by this stage – by a superhuman effort and breaking every norm of treatment she was present in the lovely Cumbria location at Cragwood Country House. We knew that this photo of her with her family would be a last too. 

Facing death with a smile for the camera

Less than two years on from Dad and Liz and we were facing the end for Mum. She went about the business of dying as she lived – matter of fact and pretty cheerful. She took the opportunity to meet people as much as she could.

This photo was taken one month to the day before Mum died, in a garden centre down near Horsham where we went to meet her oldest school friend, Ruth.

Throughout my time as a professional photographer I have been asked occasionally to take pictures for families facing the loss of a loved one. I have always found it emotionally demanding work, but work which calls for the very best of my people skills and photographic technique. Ater the period that we have just gone through, I can only say that my emotional commitment to this kind of work has risen. I would urge families who are facing these very hard times to think about taking some photos – or getting a pro to take some photos for them.

It was a family of Salvation Army colleagues of my wife who first asked me to do this kind of shoot. Barbara was very unwell and wasn’t expected to have very long. We took photos in the home – the whole family, individuals with Barbara, and of the lady herself in her officer’s uniform.

It was the first time I really felt the value of this kind of photoshoot, though I was also left puzzled about how one could make such services known. How do you market “impending bereavement photography”?! I am still not sure.

Debbie contacted me some time ago to ask if I could take photos of the whole family, gathered from across the country, as her husband had a terminal illness. The date was planned and booked with a deposit, as I was going to find a studio space for the shoot.

We started off with the whole family and then worked through other combinations – the three brothers, each of their families, Mum and Dad and so on.

Debbie had said that we were all finished, and I said, “But what about you two?!” and she said, “Oh yes!” and walked over to her husband, kissed him on the head and sat down for a short sequence of portraits. 

A photo session such as this one can leave me somewhat wrung out, but I feel it is an immense privilege to be able to help a family in this way. It is an almost spiritual duty to honour human beings in some of their hardest times. And, as a Christian myself, life and death – and the preparedness for death – are central and essential to my worldview. Anything I can do to help prompt thought and readiness seems important.

In terms of motivation as a photographer, I find this kind of family photography fulfilling in the same way as a wedding or even more so. Headshots for corporate websites may pay well – but in two years they will be outdated and in someone’s Recycling Bin. On the morning of a wedding I wake up with the thought, “Today I will take photos that will be treasured long after I am gone.” It is just the same with this kind of family work.

If you, or anyone you know, is facing loss and bereavement and would like photos to record the moment and to remember their loved one, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

If you, or anyone you know, is facing loss of a family member please don’t hesitate to contact me.

The Photography at Ripley Arts Centre: – I used a tripod for most images – a good tripod really is the best light source for group shots. The camera was my Nikon D850, using mainly the 35mm lens, with some (the two person shots) using the 58mm. I also took a few closer portraits handheld, with the 135mm f2 DC on the D6.

All the pictures shown here of Debbie and family are in black and white. I like them in this form, and they seem to suit the space where we took them. But the family received everything in colour and black and white – my usual pattern for weddings and portrait work.

Photos © copyright Andrew King